The letter of the day is G

Today's post is brought to you by the letter G, for Grateful. I am very grateful I am on the downward slope of this cold. The rest of mi familia has come down with a mild plague, necessitating a quarantine in my home.

Despite the congestion, cough, pounding head, and need for an endless supply of tissues, I enjoy being sick. Well, there was that one day in the course of my illness where I wanted to die. But other than that, it's not the end of my world. You see, something odd happens when I get sick: my anxiety switch gets turned off. It's the strangest thing, really... When my body is consumed with a feverish battle against microscopic invaders, my brain cannot afford the extra energy required to be in a constant state of worry. The numb brain that comes from a lack of oxygen (thanks a million, sinuses) makes critical thinking a moot point, but it also stops the invasive thoughts that stem from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

Why is that? What connects rational thinking and reasoning to anxiety? Perhaps the ability we evolved as modern humans to analyze the world around us beyond "Where is the food?" has also given us the potential to fear the future, to obsess, to compulsively worry about things that haven't happened yet. Unfortunately, my genetic code is missing the anxiety off-switch. Somewhere in my exons, a blueprint for a calming enzyme went missing long before I had anything to worry about. My fight-or-flight keeps running, like a light that I forgot to turn off before leaving for work. My gut muscles continue twitching, ready to tense up should the need arise to bolt from a predator. My jaw stays clenched as I await news of impending doom that won't materialize.

Relax, you say. Just chill. Think of somewhere peaceful, go to your happy place. How I wish I could. I wish I had the ability to feel completely safe, completely protected. Only then could I relax. I understand now why excessive sleeping is a symptom of severe depression: sleep offers an escape.
When you are unconscious, the only things you have to fear are your dreams. If they begin to overpower you, you simply wake up. There is no waking up when you have an anxiety disorder.

Welcome to my mind.

Enjoy your stay.