Today's post is brought to you by the letter E, for Excel. As in the need to excel.
Is it odd that I think my slightly scratched-up voice from my cold is more interesting and attractive-sounding than my normal voice? Does one's own voice even have a sound to it?
What a relief it was to get an A on my Book of Mormon midterm. As hard as I try to distance myself from the obsession with perfection I have cultivated over the last 20 years, it haunts me still. The need for high scores, the need to qualify for scholarships I won't get anyway... they follow me to the testing center. My report card is intertwined with my very DNA. It's a dangerous way of life, and I don't like it. But I don't know how to stop.
I had an interesting experience today. Being ill, I decided to go home and nap between classes. After about 18 minutes of semi-peaceful rest (rarely does it approach total relaxation) the neighbors turned on their music. Loudly.
The anxiety games began with full alertness (buh-bye nap), followed by a pounding heart, topped with the familiar feeling of being flipped off by our dear freshman neighbors. I am quite sure they aren't inherently evil... They just haven't learned respect for others. I truly hope they do before leaving BYU.
This is a typical round of anxiety games for me.
Welcome to my mind...
Enjoy your stay.
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